As I sit here I feel the steady call of exercise equipment. Nothing too serious, you understand, just the gentle whisper of the padded bike seat on the trainer downstairs, the siren song of that yoga video that will fix everything, and the friendly chiding of a beautiful day that wants to be walked in.
But then there’s the Fit. The voice of the Fit, if you’ve not had the experience, is childlike, not unlike that of the late Michael Jackson. It is in this sweet voice that you are gently told that you are, in fact, a lardo. No more Mr. Nice Guy: the Wii Fit skips to the real of the deal. You are fat– and not with a ph. *
On the surface, the machine seems concerned. Your BMI is high, that can cause all sorts of problems. You could have high blood pressure and joint pain! However, if you listen very closely and read between the lines, you can tell that the machine cares not for you. It only cares for itself, and for it's own sake would like you to take a step back (literally), and never step on again. Sure, the voice says, “keep your back straight,” but what it means is “GET OFF OF ME, TUBBY.”
This is all fine for me, because, I can ignore the light whispers of the bike, the video, and the sunny day; but I cannot, and will not, ignore the chance to bother someone.
Today it’s going to be you, Fit. Today it’s going to be you.